life

So my step mother has decided she is the boss of the house and has kicked me out, all because I took my bed cloths off and my room was messy.

My father sat and let this go on and we had a fight on the phone the second the door slammed.

I'm greatful to have friends that I can turn to, one asked her sister to look into getting rent allowence so i can leave this place I am forced to call home.

Jachem came home yesterday and is going tomorrow but seeing my best friend made things better.

At the moment life is in ruins.

Trying to get over a relationship that is the centre of my life by meeting my frinds girl has led to her being kicked from the group and me losing two friends.

My father hates me and I'm still madly in love with my ex girlfriend.

I have lost over €300 in the casino and all my passions are goin horrible so I ask myself, is it because I kissed my friends girl?

Life shouldn't be this hard, not at 19. I work every week and yet I am broke even when I don't piss it away in the casino.

I still think about you all the time and i still want to be with you. All I want is you because your warm loving hugs would mend my shattered world.

I know you are happy with me out of your life and thats fine, but you were my only happiness and i don't want to seem like an emo but suicide looks better and better everyday.

Today i got it into my head you are texting someone new, you are moving on with your life. You went on a weekend away and I think you met a guy. Who am I to tell you what to do and I shouldn't be jealous but I have never wished my life was over as I did and still do.

Please come back to me, I know you won't and you can't I don't know if you even read this blog but I still love you Ms.Bryan.

You really are my life and I not having you is harder and harder and I'm getting worse and worse.

Maybe I should just end my life. Do everyone a favour. My dad wouldn't have to kick me out there would be no more fights, friends and family wouldn't have to put up with me and you wouldn't have to worry about me. Not like you do anyway, why would you after what I did to you.

This is selfish I know but the only thing that can save me is you and your not coming back.

Sure who reads this thing anyway. you probably think I'm an emo or just looking for attention. Well then just another reason to end it all so you wouldn't have to read about my sob stories.

I'm sorry Alison, don't worry about me.

black hole

It's been nearly two weeks, the worst two weeks of my life. I litterally feel nothing anymore, nothing but emptiness.

Who would have thought someone so young and small could hurt me.

People say these things are ment to help you, but it's only let me see how she feels.

She is doing ok again and I want her to be happy.

I use to take "I'll always love you." for granted, now I wish I could even hear you say "hello" again.

I hope this isn't how you felt when we broke up before cause this pain............ this pain shouldn't be felt by anyone, all I wanna see is your name everytime I sign in but you never seem to be on, and if you are then I just missed you.

Hope you're ok, I'm not but sure who cares.

This day would always come.

She ended it, the hopes, the dreams, the want, the love. She was my everything and I let her go.

I tried to fight for her and at times it worked but she chose her parents in the end. My heart is broken, I will never love someone as I have loved her, I won't let myself.

Why put myself out there and go to the end of the earth for one person? Beacuse I love them? What if they don't love me back? What if the can't love me back?

I wanted to make you happy and I ment everyword I said but it's still not good enough, the reason for my being has come to an end, everything is dim and grey, nothing taste the same, nothing feels the same. I can't feel anything.

I wanted to grow old with you, I gave you my heart and you threw it aside for the fear it might hurt you, I was afraid too. There is always two people and my greatest fear happened, I lost you.

I fell for you the day you sat across from me, now it feels I will never be able to get lost in those beautiful eyes that once brought me into worlds I could only dream of, I can no longer feel the warmth of your heart on me when I am in need of your love. No longer can I wake up to a brighter and better life for you aren't there anymore.

Your parents and friends took you from me, it's not fair. I found out your father hated me which wasn't a surprise. I was told tonight to forget you and not worry. But how do you forget happiness? How do you not worry about love?

It was a mistake treating you so bad that all this had to happen, I only wanted to love you. Looking back on it I didn't deserve a second chance nor a first, how you even talked to me is a surprise. You will do many great things and meet new and intersting people, you will find a man who doesn't deserve you because you are too good for him, you will make him happy and grow old together raising wonderful kids, you will teach them of your life lessons and ready them for the world they face ahead,where you will have no regrets, only memories and thats all I will be to you, thats all i ever was, a memory.